This time in my life i feel completely and utterly alone.
and i feel selfish for that.
selfish?
for possibly lying to the one person who loves me regardless.
crash.
there goes her heart falling through a 3 story building of illusions that we built together. i know now what it truly means to be a saint and a sinner
my heart is pulsing
but im not around.
i am the picasso of a happy face
right in front of you, its my strongest defense against the world
my bodylanguage shows anger
but my soul is in truth broken and worn away
was it you? or was it my own unfaltering resolve to remain close to some thing...anything
ill take another drag off this cigarrete. hoping the cancer has set in.
am i really that determined to feel my own mortality?
i am afraid of what god has granted us
i believe i am one of the few who really have a gain of the basic knowledge of this game he is playing with us
fate knows it too. i feel as if my own conscious self is withering away
not as capable as what i once was. i wonder if anyone else can possibly feel this
can you? can she?
"small laughter in the background'
i see..
you can barely grasp the concept of what is really going on
this world is passing by you hours at a time
such a manic personality
hurts more doesnt it?
when you analyze your own self
its bullshit when people say that talking to yourself is wierd
how the fuck would anything get done if the little thoughts in our own very heads didnt influence us
i say thats what it is to be human
dont be a smart ass with the whole oh so we are human because we listen to the menacing little voices in our head
feeling
emotion
love
hate
sadness
joy
i_am_going_mad
to be mad is to be free
so ill catch some sleep and try to make some more sense of my craziness tomorrow
"internal laughter" Love is like a painting It starts off as a blank canvas and with time it grows… and the artist will make mistakes but will prove itself a thing of beauty Love is like a photograph …the memories it holds and the experiences shared in that one moment will prove more than a thousand words Love is like a rose… it grows and for a short beautiful time is remarkable Slowly it will wither and die… but with the arrival of spring will find time to grow yet again stronger than the last
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